On "Purpose"
How Purpose Can Drive Connection.
One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to be fully present. To savor every bit, every eye interaction, every word, and every interaction. To be aware of our reactions, our expression, our body language, or about the words we say. And it can be even harder to be fully attuned to the needs of our children.
A few years ago, my son said to me some of the simplest, yet most powerful, words anyone has told me: “Just enjoy this.” He said it to me when we were eating a rushed dinner right before he had to do some work for school and I had to finish a deadline. Those three words were like a “shortcut” back to the now. They were a gentle reminder that being present isn’t about perfection—it’s about slowing down, even in the middle of the chaos, to truly connect and soak in the moment.
I realized I was living in a different time zone than my kids. Meaning, when they would do something, I was either stuck in the past or projecting into the future. And that it meant I was not able to be fully present with them. The more I learned about the effects a parent has on children for not being fully present (Dr’s refer to it as emotional absence—being physically there but not mentally or emotionally engaged), the more I tried to work on being “there.” But it wasn’t easy. My body was there, but my mind was making lists, thinking about the week, meal-planning, unpaid invoices, cashflows, and more. This meant I would show up impatiently, judgmental, frustrated, and disregulated.
I began to explore the topic deeper and came across this paper: Children's Mental Health and Development Impacted by Parental Absence where can draw out some of the effects an emotionally absent parent can have on the development of their children:
1. Emotional Distance
Kids may feel ignored, unseen, or unimportant. They might struggle with self-worth and feel like their emotions don’t matter.
2. Confusion and Frustration
They might not understand why their parent is distant or unresponsive, which can lead to feelings of confusion, sadness, or anger.
3. Poor Communication Skills
If parents aren’t emotionally present, kids may struggle to express themselves or understand their own feelings. This can make it harder for them to connect with others.
4. Behavioral Issues
Kids might act out (e.g., tantrums, defiance) to get attention or withdraw and become overly quiet or shy.
5. Long-Term Effects
As they grow up, they might have trouble trusting others, forming close relationships, or managing their emotions. They may also repeat the same pattern of emotional distance with their own kids.
To me, this reel from LittleDreamerUK summarizes so clearly the impact not being in the moment with our children can have on them in the future:
This realization, that my emotional absence was affecting my children’s development, brought me to the idea of finding my purpose. Around that time, my husband developed a workshop focused on helping students in a Business Development course connect with their purpose. I loved hearing him research, prep, and deliver the workshop. I loved it so much I asked him to help me come up with my purpose, not as a business developer, but as a parent.
If my purpose is to raise emotionally healthy, confident, and connected children, then being fully present isn’t just a goal—it’s essential to creating the impact I wish to achieve.
To me, that purpose reminds me it’s about more than just being physically there; it’s about trying—even when I’m exhausted, distracted, or juggling a million things—to really be there. Some days I succeed, and most days I don’t. Staying connected to my purpose pushes me to practice techniques that help me self-regulate and stay grounded when I’m with them.
Would you like to find/craft your purpose as a parent? My husband and I are creating a 2-hour workshop (online) to help you connect with how you want to show up for your kids and to the impact you want to have on their lives. Message me if you’d like to join the next session. (Date sometime in mid May)
Let’s parent ON Purpose.