I have the privilege of working with people from all over the world. I mean, from every corner of all continents. People with unique cultural nuances, backgrounds, experiences, traumas, values, and idiosyncrasies. Some cultures value holidays more than others. Some value working hours, whilst the others values the environment and their communities more. Other cultures value spirituality instead organized religions. And some value comfort while other cultures thrive in the discomfort of expansion, uncertainty, and innovation.
But I have learned they all share one thing universally. Regardless of race, socio-economics, or education. And that is how poorly they speak to themselves. I do an exercise with leaders and parents that helps them get to the deepest chambers in their minds and bodies. The chambers that hold their limiting beliefs. These are some of the most common ones I have heard:
“I am not worthy”
“I am such an idiot”
“What is wrong with you?”
“How could you forget?”
“What are people going to think about you?”
“You annoy people”
“Others are better than me”
A limiting belief is a thought or state of mind that you think is the absolute truth and stops you from doing certain things. And limiting beliefs unites us all. Everyone you see walking around in the world shares these. Even kids. Kids can begin to develop limiting beliefs at a very young age, often as early as 3 to 7 years old. These beliefs are typically shaped by their experiences, observations, and interactions with parents, teachers, peers, and media.
For instance, if a child consistently hears negative comments about their abilities or observes certain behaviors being rewarded or discouraged, they may internalize these messages and form limiting beliefs about what they can or cannot achieve. Early childhood is a critical period for cognitive and emotional development, making it a time when such beliefs can take root and influence future attitudes and behaviors.
Speaking of attitudes and behaviors, these are what we see in interactions with others. These are what sets us apart from others. Meaning, that whilst we all share just a handful of limiting beliefs HOW they show up in our lives can be extremely different. For example the limiting belief of not being good enough can show up as attitudes:
Perfectionism, becoming people-pleasing, or avoiding opportunities. And as behaviors: Spending excessive time on a task and never finishing it, not setting healthy boundaries and putting others first, and not participating in activities that could lead to growth and expansion; respectively.
So what does all this have to do with the title of this post? Well, in my experience an important shift happens when people reframe their limiting beliefs into helpful ones. People begin to build stronger and healthier relationships with themselves. Mental health, decision-making, and interpersonal relationships improve at ‘hockey-stick’ levels. And no matter where they come from in the world, when people work on themselves they impact those around them positively.
How can you reframe limiting beliefs?:
Here is the exercise I do with leaders and parents. You can follow each step (I like to call them "invitations”):
Invitation # 1.
Think of a challenge/obstacle you have been trying to solve/overcome for a while now. it could be about being a parent, a leader, a spouse, a friend, etc.
Invitation # 2.
Connect the one limiting belief preventing you from solving your challenge or overcoming your obstacle. Here are some examples of limiting beliefs and how they might sound in your head:
I’m not good enough: “I’m not good enough to manage this project.”
I’m too old or too young: “I’m too young to be a manager.”
I don’t have enough time: “I don’t have enough time to invest in myself.”
I’m not smart enough: “I’m not smart enough to lead this meeting.”
I don’t have enough experience: “I don’t have enough experience to be a mom.”
I’ll never be successful: “I’ll never be successful in my industry.”
I’m not worth: “No matter what I do, no one in my house recognizes all I do.”
Invitation # 3.
Reframe that limiting belief into a helpful one. One that will help you solve the challenge/problem you are hoping to fix.
Some examples:
My thoughts are valuable and deserve recognition.
My ideas are important and have meaning.
I am allowed to make mistakes, they do not affect my value.
I am unique and valuable the way I am.
I am good and lovable with all my personality.
And here is another great practice you can apply:
My Compassionate Inquiry Teacher Gabor Maté provides these 5 Rs to work with limiting beliefs, as they help rewire brain circuits that keep us in the limiting belief “loop.”
1. Relabel · 2. Reattribute · 3. Refocus · Step 4: Revalue · Step 5: Re-Value (or “de-value).
You can watch Dr Maté explain it here in this short 5 minute video as he is interviewed by Steven Barlett.
Poem by Yashika CG
You are just a choice away
From letting go of all the limiting beliefs that are holding you back
Beliefs that were passed down from generations
And you mindlessly carried without questioning them
A choice away from embodying empowering identities
And being who you always wanted to be
You are just a choice away from experiencing life to its fullest.
Join our online 3-month camp for working moms. Starting September 17th.
Register your interest here. Or Join the camp here.
PD: Feliz cumple a mis enanas bellas y de las mejores mamás del mundo! Mariana y Heather! Las quiero <3
Share this post